Here is a box A Musical Box It is TARDIS shaped
by The Jolly Gnu
Summary: Very strange Dr Who fanfiction in the form of the opening of Camberwick Green. Inspired by Life On Mars. Please review!
1. Chapter the First

Really random silliness. If there are any psychoanalysts out there, why do I come up with this stuff?

Disclaimer: I don't own Dr Who. If I did, things would be a **lot** different.

* * *

"Here is a box, a musical box, wound up and ready to play. But this box can hide a secret inside. Can you guess what is in it today?

"It's the first Doctor, everybody. Hello, Doctor."

The first Doctor waves at the camera.

"Hello. How are you today?"

The first Doctor shakes his head, staring down at the floor.

"Oh dear. A bit sad. What's the matter?"

The Doctor mimes having huge hair.

"Oh dear. Is it Barbara?"

The Doctor nods violently.

"Is she messing up history again?"

The Doctor nods.

* * *

"Here is a box, a musical box, wound up and ready to play. But this box can hide a secret inside. Can you guess what is in it today? 

"It's King Yrcanos, everybody. Hello, your majesty."

King Yrcanos waves.

"Hello. How are you today?"

King Yrcanos gives the camera a thumbs-up.

"Ah. very happy. Why? What have you been doing today?"

The King mimes marching and crushing things.

"Have you been rampaging?"

The King nods, and jumps up and down.

"Have you been marrying Peri?"

The King nods, and gives another thumbs up.

"Have you been killing Sil?"

The King shakes his head.

"Ah. Sil escaped. Are you unhappy about that?"

The King shakes his head, then mimes having breasts.

"Ah. I see. You've got Peri to keep you happy."

The King nods.

* * *

"Here is a box, a musical box, wound up and ready to play. But this box can hide a secret inside. Can you guess what is in it today? 

"It's the CyberLeader everybody. Hello, CyberLeader.

The CyberLeader waves mechanically.

"Hello. How are you today?"

The CyberLeader covers his face with his hands and shakes his head.

"Oh dear. A little bit sad. Is it the Doctor again?"

The CyberLeader nods mechanically.

"Has he destroyed your Lieutenant?"

The CyberLeader nods mechanically.

"Is this excellent?"

The CyberLeader shakes his head.

"Will he be destroyed?"

The CyberLeader nods his head very fast.

"Are you ginger?"

The CyberLeader looks bewildered.

* * *

"Here is a box, a musical box, wound up and ready to play. But this box can hide a secret inside. Can you guess what is in it today?" 

It's... Is that you, the Master?"

The Master shakes his head.

"Are you sure?"

The Master puts a finger to his lips.

"Ah. I see. You're wearing one of your cunning disguises."

The Master nods.

"How are you today?"

The Master nods his head, rubbing his hands together.

"Is Jo flashing her knickers again?"

The Master nods his head very fast.

"What about the Doctor?"

The Master shakes his head very violently.

"No, I didn't mean 'is the Doctor flashing his knickers,' I meant 'where is the Doctor?'"

The Master shrugs.

"Hadn't you better go and look for him? He may need your help."

The Master shakes his head.

"You're being very bad today, the Master. Go and find the Doctor."

The Master looks dejected, then nods brightly.

"Ah. I see. He might have Jo with him."

* * *

"Here is a box, a musical box, wound up and ready to play. But this box can hide a secret inside. Can you guess what is in it today? 

"It's the Ice Warrior Grand Marshall, everybody."

The Grand Marshall waves.

"How are you today?"

The Grand Marshall runs around in a circle.

"Ah. In a bit of a panic. What's the matter?"

The Grand Marshall mimes flying through the air, then exploding.

"Is your ship flying into the sun?"

The Grand Marshall nods his head.

"Whose fault is it?"

The Grand Marshall acts very camp.

"Ice Lord Slaar?"

The Grand Marshall nods.

* * *

Thou must review.

With thanks to Mork of The Scarf Warriors for helping with the ideas and writing the CyberLeader one.


	2. Chapter the Second

More random lunacy.

* * *

"Here is a box, a musical box, wound up and ready to play. But this box can hide a secret inside. Can you guess what is in it today?" 

"It's the Judoon Leader, everybody. Hello Judoon Leader."

Judoon looks puzzled.

"Sigh... Blo Cro So Do Toe Clo Po Slo. Ho Ho Ho."

Judoon Leader stomps around.

Ah. Not very happy. So why is that?"

Judoon draws a big X on the musical box in a silly felt tip.

"Oh someone's refused to be catalogued. Oh dear. What will you do?"

Judoon blasts a piece of the musical box to infinity.

"Sentence: execute?"

Judoon marches off, then falls off the box.

"Yo, Judoon Leader."

* * *

"Here is a box, a musical box, wound up and ready to play. But this box can hide a secret inside. Can you guess what is in it today?"

"It's Salamander, everybody. How are you today, Salamander?"

Salamander buries his face in his hands.

"Oh. Not very happy. Why?"

Salamander spins around.

"Ah. I see. You're spinning around out there in time and space."

Salamander nods and shakes a fist.

"Are you in a very enviable position?"

Salamander shakes his head.

* * *

"Here is a box, a musical box, wound up and ready to play. But this box can hide a secret inside. Can you guess what is in it today?"

"It's Liz Shaw, everybody. Hello, Liz."

Liz starts to cry.

"Oh dear. Is it the Doctor? Has he told you that your parallel universe counterpart was far more interesting than you?"

Liz nods.

"So, what are going to do?"

Liz pulls a big bottle of poison out of her pocket.

"You're going to poison the Doctor?"

Liz nods, but then Bessie soars through the air and hits Liz on the head.

"Oh dear. Looks as if Liz will have to leave UNIT."

"Here is a box, a musical box, wound up and ready to play. But this box can hide a secret inside. Can you guess what is in it today?"

* * *

"It's... a cupboard? What on..."

A Wirrn falls out of the cupboard.

"Hello, Wirrn. Are you dead."

The Wirrn doesn't answer because it's dead.

"What have you been doing today?"

The Wirrn doesn't mime falling out of a cupboard because it's dead.

"Ah. I see. You've been falling on top of Harry and dying."

The Wirrn doesn't nod because... oh, you get the idea.

* * *

"Here is a box, a musical box, wound up and ready to play. But this box can hide a secret inside. Can you guess what is in it today?"

"It's... oh, gawd, it's Rose. So what have you been doing today? Something chavvy, no doubt."

Rose starts eating chips.

"Ah. I see. You've been eating chips. What else?"

Rose continues eating chips.

"Anything else?"

Rose scoffs fatty chips continuously.

"Are you sure you haven't saved the world- or even done something mildly interesting?"

Rose munches away. The musical box creaks ominously.

"So all you've done is eat chips?"

Rose nods, then silently screams as the box buckles and she falls into a huge hole under her feet.

"Stupid girl."

* * *

Oh, yes. Rose fans, don't read the last one... ooops. 


End file.
